A Guide for Triggering Situations

Situational Guide for getting the heart of the matter…your heart

These are the steps I’ve practiced to reconnect with myself when I’m triggered. It’s been messy at times, and I haven’t mastered them all, but moving in this direction has completely changed how I feel most of the time. This list is my little reminder when those familiar patterns show up. If it resonates, let me know — I’d love to hear your reflections.

Up until about five years ago, I was a professional invalidator of my own feelings. I was so disconnected from my heart that I couldn’t even recognize what was underneath my anxiety, or how to find my way back to alignment.

The first two steps are about understanding our triggers — the groundwork. Steps 3–10 are what I practice in the moment to regulate and respond from a place that feels more true to who I want to be. (And just to note: if you’re in a situation where expressing yourself could put you in danger, please seek help first. Step 9 is only for when your safety isn’t at risk.)

1. Acknowledge your patterns.
The people-pleasing tendencies you developed once kept you safe. That hyper-awareness of others’ moods was how you learned to navigate your world. Thank that younger version of yourself — they did what they needed to survive.

2. Recognize what no longer serves you.
Patterns like overgiving, overexplaining, or shutting down may have worked then, but not now. As adults, we often recreate familiar dynamics because they feel “normal.” But we have choice now. “Making things work” isn’t the goal anymore — living an open, meaningful, connected life is.

3. Pause before reacting.
When a trigger hits, take a breath before jumping in to fix or smooth things over. That urge to fix is how we abandon ourselves. Let the other person know you need space to gather your thoughts. Journaling can be powerful here — it’s helped me see my patterns clearly and respond with more awareness. Like peeling the layers of an onion, journaling about a situation can get down to the heart of the matter when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

4. Breathe deeply.
Once you have space, take slow, deep belly breaths: in for four counts, hold, then exhale completely for eight. Repeat a few times. Triggers often mean our bodies feel unsafe — breathing brings us back into regulation and clarity.

5. Ask what you need.
Instead of scanning for the other person’s needs, ask what you want or need right now. Journal if it helps separate their emotions from yours. You deserve to express your needs from a calm, centered place.

6. Consider the possible outcomes.
For a long time, I avoided even imagining what might happen if I spoke honestly — it felt too risky. Thinking through possible outcomes, without attachment, helps you strengthen your inner foundation and validate your own truth.

7. Accept what could happen.
Ask yourself: What if they can’t handle my truth? What if they leave? And then remind yourself: I’ll still be okay. Facing this fear reveals how much it’s been running the show — that fear of being left or unheard often masks a deeper loss of self.

8. Remind yourself that your needs matter.
Your feelings and opinions are valid. It takes time to believe that, especially if you’ve always prioritized others. You deserve a safe space to express yourself — and that safety starts with you.

9. Speak your truth calmly.
When you’re ready, communicate from your heart. It might mean setting a boundary or simply saying how you feel. Avoid blame; stay centered on your own experience. You may not get resolution right away, but every time you do this, your confidence grows.

10. Trust yourself.
Whatever happens, know that you’ve got you. Speaking from love — especially self-love — builds your inner strength. If someone invalidates your feelings, stay anchored in your truth: “I see this is hard for you to hear, but it doesn’t change how I feel.”

This process came straight from my lived experience. I didn’t learn it from videos or AI — I found my way through trial and reflection. Later I discovered others were talking about similar things, but back then, I didn’t even have the words to search for it.

The truth is, sometimes we have to face that certain people or situations just aren’t meant to come with us. If someone prefers the old version of you, or won’t meet you halfway, it may mean saying goodbye. I’ve said goodbye to relationships and careers — and while it wasn’t easy, it led me to a much stronger relationship with myself.

Ultimately, letting go of attachment to anything external is what frees us.

If you’d like to talk through something like this, I’m here. I am happy to support you and reflect on what’s coming up for you. We’re in this together — and together, we’re stronger.